Computer dating is the primary way we seniors meet and “go out” these days. It can be fun and it can be dangerous. We have to decide whether the person is a decent sort or if we are being scammed. Unfortunately, scamming has become a favorite pastime on all computer sites, but dating electronically is like the dessert after a meal to a hacker/scammer. They know you are looking for love and, too often, it is in all the wrong places.
Sites offer statistics of marriages made from people meeting there. However, far too many customers are looking for what is commonly known as ‘a patsy.’
What Draws a Scammer to Seniors?
Please keep a few things in mind, especially if you are a senior. Most of us have lost a partner through death or divorce, which the scammers count on to get on your soft side. They don’t want to be your boy or girlfriend; they want your money, house, savings, insurance and anything else of value. So, what are some warning signs? Pretending to mend a broken heart is one of the surest ways to get a foot in the door. When we are at our weakest, that is when the thief of hearts moves in for the kill. And sometimes, if things go too far, that can be a real killing of a person, not just a turn of phrase.
How to Recognize a Scammer?
Choice of Career
1. If your sudden new ‘love’ is in any career that puts him outside the United States, RUN, do not walk to the nearest blocking device on your dating site. Preferred jobs on a scammer’s part are: engineering, military, gemologists, with military being top of the line, and engineering following a close second. If he/she is in the military, the line usually is that the person will be getting out soon. For a younger person, they are nearing the end of their term and cannot wait to see you. For the older one, it is always retirement waiting in the wings. They will always live in a state far from which ever state in which you reside. And the suggestion will be that you come to meet them. It is never that that person will come to you.
The engineer will promise that eventually he will be stateside, but somehow the date keeps moving further and further away. Invariably, it is because of money problems which he must beg you to solve by sending, at first, a few dollars. Eventually, it grows to thousands or more.
True Love Immediately
2. If you barely meet a person and within minutes he swears he fell madly in love with your beautiful picture, this is another sign of someone up to no good. Such a thing might happen once in a trillion times, so don’t believe it. I had one fellow ask to marry me roughly five minutes into talking on Facebook! I was laughing so hard, I almost could not refuse his offer.
Folks, as much as we all hope we age well, let’s face it, if some twenty or thirty-year-old is hankering to be our sweetie, it ain’t our face and figure turning them on. More than likely, it is our wallet.
Language Speaks Volumes
3. One give away is the misuse of our language and horrible spelling. Beware also of the person who speaks perfectly in the beginning and then digresses to not being able to put a full sentence together. Often real people on the sites have their profiles hacked. If you read a profile and it sounds good, but when you and the person are writing to each other, it sounds like a totally different person talking – it probably is.
What Is the Worst That Can Happen?
I have had a few friends and relatives who got caught up in the ‘romance’ of some creep online and lost part of their savings before someone else caught on to what was happening and tried to warn them. Those sweet talkers turn mean when you refuse to send them money because, for some reason, they suddenly cannot get back into this country without your money assisting them. At least two friends who were caught up in love with some of the wrong people, had their lives threatened. Another had her children stop her from making a major mistake. She was secretly planning to run off to Las Vegas to meet some guy and marry him. Turned out he had already taken tens of thousands of dollars from her. Had she ‘eloped,’ chances were high that she would never have been heard from again.
Like those Nigerian Lotteries that are too good to be true, check yourself in the mirror and be honest…if YOU were a thirty something, would you be all ready to give up ladies or gents your own age to date a 65+, unless there was a lovely bank account urging you on?
Is Everything About Dating Sites Bad?
People can and do meet on these sites and I know of at least two who married the ones they met and are living happily ever after. No matter how you meet a person, take time to get to know all you can about him or her. And, yes, Gents, my cousin lost his wife and got caught up in the wonders of a young lady. He was in his 80’s; she was, according to her profile, in her mid-twenties. Before it was over, he had bought her all sorts of presents, sent money, and gone into debt and never even got to meet her! He died not long after his wife, certain that he had found true love once more.
Everyone needs to put their hearts in check when going on these sites. There are good, honest people on them. After all, you consider yourself to be pretty nice. Most people signing up to chase their dream are no different. Sadly, where you find the good guys and gals, there will always be the not so good ones, too.
How Do I Protect Myself?
If you meet someone who sounds suspicious, try pinning them down as to exactly when you will be meeting. When there is an immediate excuse for not meeting, ask yourself if it is a believable reason. A person in the military, young or senior, trust me, knows the date, hour, minute and second they will be out and on their own once more.
To a person asking for money, flat out refuse. Say, “I don’t have any money to send anywhere.” Or, as I once told a fellow, “Nope, I am totally broke.” It was amazing how quickly he hung up the phone.
With those few little pieces of information, you will know very quickly whether the person is real or scamming. When dating via computer, it is essential that you put your heart away and use your head, until you meet and get to know the person on the other computer.