Distance Is No Object

 

Scammers Phishing for Fish on Dating Sites

My darlings, Maggie is on the prowl again on a whole new dating site. Thus far, it’s name tells it like it is.  I have had more nibbles than a fat worm teasing a catfish.  A couple of the fish I’m enjoying talking with enormously.  However, the shady types show rather quickly when the marital status is ‘Widowed.’

I’ve got a couple who assure me that I am the most attractive creature ever to cross their paths and who want my contact information.  That usually precedes, “Hi, I’m Hank, George, Tommy or Greengash Gator” to which I politely say “Buddy, that’s not gonna happen.”

But the ones I really like are those too far away to get serious, although each assures me ‘distance means nothing when you are in love.’  It does not occur to them, not only are we not in love, we ain’t even in ‘met’ yet.  With a few hopefuls who are overseas, I highly doubt we ever will be.

Ah, The Helpful Relative (Fake Relative)

For instance, one of my latest is a 69-year old, with a picture of a forty-year old going to bat for him. Says he has kids. That’s nice, as long as they are full grown and able to take care of themselves. Not ready to be a nanny at my age.  The really cool part is that he’s from Queensland. That’s right – Australia!  Want to bet the forty-year old is the real person and trying to gaff granny?

When I allowed he was a mite far away for dating, the same old line I’ve heard on every dating site spewed forth like lava from a volcano, “Distance means nothing when you are in love.”

Once again, he has not gathered that I do not fall in love within seconds of meeting a person. Nor has it occurred to him that if he does, something may be mentally wrong, since it would be with a picture and not the person.

He has no clue whatsoever if I’m a nasty nagging witch or Glenda, the good one, or someone who will love him forever.  Or wants to take him for every cent he’s got.  He doesn’t know if my three dogs will take his leg off and bury it or if they will be happy just licking his hand.  As for my family, none of whom he has met, what if one of them owns a spooky hotel and lots of knives? But what the heck, distance doesn’t matter in dating and love.

So, I say, “You want to meet for coffee tomorrow morning?”  The silence was deafening and remained so.

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Dates Who Change Nationality, Country, Age, Etc.

Oh, my goodness, darlings, this fellow is back and suddenly instead of Queensland, he’s a soldier in Iraq and will be out in five months. Could not hold myself back from asking, “Sixty-nine seems a bit old for being in Iraq. Just what do you do?”

He’s all apologies in the return note.  “Oh, my profile must be messed up.  I’m really 57, but that’s okay, because age does not mean a thing.”

At fifty-seven men can think that way, but at sixty-eight, this woman wants somebody closer to my age bracket and a little closer than a few thousand miles to cross for a date.

“You’ll be going back to Queensland after Iraq?”

“Oh, no, I’m going to Florida.”  Evidently at that moment he lost the person who was writing for him, because his English got mangled and sentences became jumbled.  I was so hoping an American soldier might be able to speak and write the language.  Pity.

Once more, he immediately wants my e-mail.  Once more I refuse and try to shake this dating leech.

You know, my darlings, this could take longer than anticipated.  Wish me luck and I shall fill you in on the next fish to wiggle into the net.

Oh, my dears, when the Aussie/Iraqi/going to Florida guy discovered I am no longer in the Sunshine State, he tried to back peddle once more and change his ‘home base’ to wherever I am, except I refused to tell him. Finally, he is off the line and trying to hook up with another sucker, er. woman.