Ladies, Don’t Stop Driving!

Ladies, I’m going to share with you a mistake I made, so that you can avoid it. When I stopped working in 2009, my husband sold his car, thinking that we really didn’t need two vehicles. Over the last seven years, I gradually stopped driving. I might have taken the car out 2 or 3 times a month for errands or lunch with a friend and did drive to Tennessee or Arkansas every couple of years. Mostly, Jim drove me where I needed to go.  It was so nice having a chauffeur, but not driving was a huge mistake!

Last weekend, I bought a new car. Driving it out of the dealer’s lot was strange but anytime one drives a vehicle for the first time, it isn’t likely to be a comfortable feeling. I noticed as I negotiated Friday afternoon traffic in Bradenton and Sarasota, that I was more than uncomfortable. I actually had moments bordering on panic. A few days later, I returned to the dealership for help in setting up the OnStar and in operating a few other gadgets on the car. Again, that mild feeling of panic set in as I maneuvered through heavy traffic.  I was clearly out of my current element.  A trip to the mall followed that appointment, and I began to think I was going to enjoy this opportunity to get out more. By the time I returned home, the car and I had become friends, and those busy roads of traffic weren’t quite so intimidating.

I hit the big 73 mark on Monday, so of course age played a part in this bit of apprehension I felt.  But mostly, it was because I had not been driving or negotiating heavy traffic for a long time. I was spoiled all those years that I rarely drove, but practice will remedy the nervousness, and I won’t make that mistake again.

In planning this article, I found other reasons that women stop driving or at least suffer panic attacks when they do.  Here is Maggie Digiovanni’s story:

Never would I have suspected that a car accident in 1985 would affect me over thirty years later! The day of my father-in-law’s funeral, I took my son to meet a friend.  On my way home, an 18-wheeler truck followed me for three miles before moving to the passing lane.  With no signal to show what he was doing, the driver pulled into my lane before getting past me. On the other side of my car was a ravine. Because I had no place to go, the truck ground my car up in its rear wheels, pushing the driver’s side into the passenger side.

Physical damage, a broken kneecap, healed in a few months. The psychological damage lasted to this day. Add that to the normal issues encountered as we get older, and driving became a challenge.

Just prior to my husband’s retirement, I ended up in our new home ahead of him by three years. That meant driving nine hundred miles alone to see him until he could join me.  Not driving simply was not an option as I pulled our retirement residence together and cared for our disabled daughter.  I forced myself to do what was necessary, day after day.  Later, when Bru had a massive stroke, again, there was no choice other than driving to handle every facet of our lives.

Getting too close to other cars gives me the shakes and riding with other people is a trial of nerves. At the end of the ride, it’s all I can do not to fall out of the car and kiss the ground that we arrived safely. When driving on my own today, occasionally, the terrain will look strange and foreign to me. I force myself to remain calm until my brain kicks into gear once more.

I spent time with three psychiatrists. One decided my fear of driving, after literally being run over by a truck, must be because of a bad childhood or problems in the bedroom. I tended to believe that being nearly ground up in wheels bigger than my car might have something to do with it and bade him farewell.  The next was so thrilled over my story that he fell asleep at each session and didn’t realize when I left him. The third listened and urged me to “get back on that horse” again as soon as possible.  I did so. That is the only way to eventually win the everyday battles brought on by the accident so long ago.

There are other reasons that create a fear, or apprehension, of driving as we get older. Those “senior moments” where you have short moments of not knowing where you are can bring on fears of dementia. When those moments do occur, I remember my Dad when he began heading down that dreaded path.  Then I remember I have had one or two instances at a much earlier age, usually when I am overly stressed.

Failing eyesight can cause women to avoid driving. Floaters have quadrupled in numbers in my eyes in the past year, along with beginning signs of cataracts.  Although I don’t have it, night blindness is another reason women stop driving.

Surgery can take care of the floaters and cataracts and get you back behind the wheel. Night blindness isn’t so easy, but you can schedule your driving outings during daylight hours.

Don’t give up your freedom to come and go as you please.

I agree with Maggie – keep driving as long as you are able and have the sense to hang up your car keys when it really is time.