Like it or not, today’s parents don’t always stay together. With so many split families, children must deal with emotional turmoil, juggling of schedules, and lives that seem to be more challenging than any child should have to endure. This is where grandparents can help.
When our children split from their partners, it is difficult not to take sides. However, the #1 rule that we must follow is to remain as neutral as possible, as least publicly. This is crucial to the emotional well-being of our grandchildren, not to mention that you don’t want to alienate the person who could keep your grandkids away from you.
Years ago when a daughter-in-law informed me that she no longer wanted to be married to my son, that she needed her freedom, she said she guessed everyone would say ugly things about her. As difficult as it was, I assured her that in my house, no one would ever say anything negative about her in front of her children. We all kept that promise, and I know those children were better off because of that decision.
Regardless of which parent ends up with custody, grandparents should work diligently to create a pleasant relationship with both of them.
Children need that soft place to land. They need to know they can speak frankly with you at your house and nothing they say will be repeated. “What happens at Grandma’s, really should stay at Grandma’s.”
There will be times when the young ones are stressed and confused over the changes in their lives. It is not our job as grandparents to explain, apologize for, or speak for a child’s parents. We can, however, encourage, praise, and cheer on our grandchildren to succeed and be happy.
It is important to try to work with a former daughter-in-law or son-in-law regarding schedules and school events. If you don’t, you could find yourself left out of the important times in your grandchildren’s lives.
