Every once in a while, one of my kids will throw a sarcastic comment at me in response to something I said or an opinion I voiced, or perhaps one will roll her eyes at me or in some way, talk “down” to me. My instant reaction is irritation. However, I try to remember my own Mother’s last few years as her health deteriorated. Some days, it was difficult to remain calm and serene as I dealt with her issues. In truth, I may have done my own share of eye rolling.
Looking back, I know that the change from child of my parent to parent of my own Mother was gradual. It began with lunch outings where I would pick her up instead of meeting her at a restaurant. When she completely stopped driving, I took over driving duties for doctor appointments and other errands. Her several hospitalizations meant recovery at my home with me making decisions that once were hers. And so it went.
But if a parent isn’t willing to relinquish the decision-making, how does one know when or how to take charge? How do you recognize that your Mom or Dad needs help in everyday decisions? It would be especially difficult if said parent still believes that he or she knows best.
Decisions about caring for an aging parent should be discussed at length well before they might be needed. Baby Boomers in their sixties may well find themselves in the position of having to direct the lives of their own aging parents. If you and your parents have a plan in place and it is discussed openly, then implementing said plan should be relatively easy.
So how do you know when it’s time to take over? The following signs should give you a clue:
- If your parent stops driving, that may indicate that help is needed for medical appointments and errands.
- If your parent refuses to stop driving when you know it is time for him or her to hang up the car keys, an intervention could be necessary.
- If your parent’s home seems neglected and you notice changes in his or her interest in daily tasks that once were automatic, it may be a sign you need to step in.
- If your parent’s personal care seems to be a thing of the past, your help may be needed.
- If your parent is no longer eating properly, he or she may need your input.
Plan ahead before your elderly parent reaches the point of needing care. Know exactly what role you intend to play. If you want your parent to live with you, discuss it before the time arrives.
You need to know if your parent has long-term care insurance. If the answer is yes, get the policy information from them. Does he or she already have a plan in place for assisted living? You should also have those details.
Ask the name and contact information for your parent’s doctor. That could be very helpful in time to come.
Communication is critical to be certain both you and your relative will be pleased with the outcome. You should be aware of your parent’s financial situation, so that you both know what options are available when needed. Public services are available for the elderly, so do some research before they are needed.
Our parents took care of us for many years, and it may be necessary for us to return the favor.
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