To Embarrass a Son
“Now, sweetie, that is a rear end any man should be proud of! Wonder how often he gets pinched by some passing woman?” I gave a short wolf whistle as we watched a football player make a touchdown.
“Mom, TMI, TMI,” gasped my son of forty-three years. “You shouldn’t talk like that in front of your child.” The grin splitting his beet red face belied his words. He was tickled I could finally talk such foolishness. It had been two years since his dad passed away and joy took its time coming back into my life.
Yes, as a senior widowed woman, I am becoming proficient in the art of embarrassing my adult child. The wonderful part is the freedom it brings. It is like opening a bottle of “I don’t care” and drinking deeply.
To her credit, my daughter-in-law, jumped into the fray, making her own observations of various players, to which I added:
“Darling boy, you are not the only sex allowed to enjoy the assets of the other one. I may be older than you, but I am not blind to the wonders of the male body.”
He roared with laughter and we joined him. It was like sunlight suddenly bursting into the room.
And Then There Was the Woman Who…
As a widow, sometimes it can be difficult knowing how to act. So difficult, in fact, that one woman in Florida literally put her husband on ice when he died because she did not want to miss the Season or feel it necessary to wear mourning clothes during that time. My own experience did not quite go that far.
Mostly laughing felt wrong at first. Invariably when it occurred, the first thought was ‘he can no longer laugh’ or ‘should I be happy this soon after his death’. This doesn’t go on for a couple of months. It goes on and on until one day, in spite of all you can do, some stupid thing comes on television and you feel an unstoppable laugh coming from deep inside. When it erupts, all tangled up with wrenching sobs, you laugh/cry until only the cleansing laughter is left. That is when you know, your life did not end; his did and he would not want you to mourn forever.
When the Healing and Embarrassing Begin
That is when you make inappropriate comments in front of your adult children, hoping for just the response given by mine. You know they think it is okay to make silly jokes. You know they want you to get on with the joy of living. They do not think you should have given up life when your spouse died.
The True Art of Embarrassment
The Art of Embarrassing Your Kids is to know it is not a license for inappropriate comments all day long. It is not conversation that could be considered R or X rated by those in the porn trade. It is knowing that occasional silliness is right and good for the spirit.
However, it is knowing how to shut your mouth when friends are around, because a little embarrassment between you and your kids is fine. Embarrassing them in front of friends or strangers is not.
There is a middle ground around certain people you both know well enough who can take the chatter without it becoming the subject that arises at every meeting. These people are great party people, but they are also great friends and they know the buck stops at their doorstep and goes no further.
Remember when you were little and there was always that one person, uncle or grandpa, who said, “Pull my finger” and usually a nasty sound (hopefully not a smell) followed the pull. The first time it might seem funny to a child. The twenty-first time one of your friends got the request, it was no longer funny. It was embarrassing.
That is the rule. The first time you make a remark to your child, it may be funny. Do not make the mistake grandpa made and keep repeating it until it is embarrassing to you both and you will be just fine.