In the Part I we met a friend who discovered too late she was being conned. Now, let’s delve into why it happens far too often to Seniors, even Sexy, Sassy Seniors.
We work and save all our lives to enjoy our golden years, only to discover when we reach them, the fun is not there. Instead, we find many friends gone, either moving closer to their children or dying. We often find ourselves going into our later years as divorcees or widows and widowers. Many times, if our spouse is living, he/she is incapacitated, requiring our constant attention.
Loneliness is the first enemy of the senior adult. In our teens and twenties, finding someone to date seldom proved difficult. At least we remember it that way. Of course, in those days, we had firm skin, cute figures and the ability to keep up whether dancing or climbing hills. We look in our mirror today and think we still look nice for our age.
Except dating changed. What happened to going to church, a party, or dinner with friends and finding a nice man or woman? What happened was life. Most people our age seem to be either married or interested in someone considerably younger. Invited to parties when newly single is nice, but gradually having a fifth wheel loses its shine. In addition, everyone from your hairdresser to the Sunday school ladies talks about computer dating! The world changed while our backs were turned. Whether friend or business acquaintance, a nice person is a welcomed sight. We find ourselves telling a perfect stranger the story of our lives and all he said was ‘hello’.
Over confidence is second on the list of things to avoid. At our ages, we figure we have seen it all and know most of it, so no charlatan will pull anything over on us. Maybe on Mavis down the way, but not on us! We know what to look for in crooks. What we do not count on is that they know exactly what to look for in us and they are better at it.
Needing acceptance ranks right up there with loneliness, especially if after a divorce or becoming a widow, we move to a new town to leave old memories behind. This is one reason everyone advises us not to make decisions, important decisions, for one year. Our brains say run, but it refuses to think of the consequences. We leave our friends and relatives behind. They are the ones who form our lifeline, who help pull our lives together after they are shattered. We find ourselves in a new town or city, knowing not one soul. We cannot even visit our doctor or minister. They are far away and somehow, a telephone call is not the same.
This leads to another link in the chain –seeking to prove yourself. Feeling the need to make new friends, new contacts, maybe it is necessary to leave no doubt you will be the most wonderful neighbor. In meeting them, you get tips on the business and health associates in the area. Once again, to let them know how friendly you are, you spill more about your life than any of them has a right to know.
When a con man or woman (yes, they come in two sexes) meets you, rest assured they do not look the part. That only happens in B movies. If they dress like a con man, talk like a con man, act like a con man, we may still not pick up on the signals…all because as we get older our brain capacity lessens and that little voice that tells us something is off, isn’t working to full capacity.
When we live near friends and family, they may notice it long before we do. They may advise us to get away from the person and the situation; however, we also get more stubborn as we get older. We refuse being treated like a child making a wrong decision and we refuse their advice.
If we have no one nearby to help in the situation, check with an independent financial or legal person. If they tell us to either remove ourselves from the circumstance or, at least, take more time to consider it, we still may not do so. We have the same reflex to our children talking to us about moving in with them or a senior center. We have always been the counselor. It is difficult to step down from that position.
Immediacy is another enemy. As seniors, we view our mortality. When someone offers us one of those ‘too good to be true’ ideas, whether it’s setting up a new company, making more on our investments, or getting a new roof put on our house for half what it should cost, the urge to accept is almost overpowering. To score one more big deal is like a shining beacon drawing us in.
The worst is fear. Fear is an odd duck in that it can make us shut ourselves away hoping no one gets in or acting in the opposite fashion. Fear knows we are forever alone, the great deal will be lost, and we will die alone. Or, it convinces us those things will happen. The con always looks for Fear as an easy target.
The woman who wanted her story told adds, “He constantly reassured me how changed he was. He was no longer a womanizer. I was so beautiful. See how he changed for me. He tells everyone he was never so in love before.” These are all classic things to look for and yet, I fell for it hook, line and sinker. She and her son parted company. He saw through her prince and grew angrier each time she defended him. Eventually, he was no longer talking to her. She was skillfully being isolated from family.
Only a couple of neighbors and friends knew of the whirlwind romance. They were happy she found someone who truly loved her…until the loans began. Alarm bells went off and they, too, told her to back away.
Since the break-up, she did a lot of digging and discovered the state, in which they live, is bringing suit against the man. She reported him, after remembering the con artist had actually attempted to borrow money before the big romance began.
She wants her story told because the victims are usually too embarrassed to repeat it. They tend to pull into a protective shell, leaving the con man to move to his next victim. She is now attempting to rebuild her relationship with her son, knowing the dreaded “I told you so” will be a major topic of conversation. Frankly, if her son cares deeply for her he will let her talk, get it out of her system and give her a strong shoulder to lean on without recriminating words.
Okay, we know how and why it happens. What can we do to protect ourselves, and our children, whom we hope will inherit what we worked so hard to obtain?
Part III will have some of the answers. Click here for Part III.