Look at that cute guy. Wouldn’t you like to get to know him better? Do you wonder what he would be like as a friend, as a lover or as a man worthy of leaving your current husband?
As we get older, age attacks us every time we pass a mirror. Even the wonders of plastic surgery will not last forever; age will take its toll. How delicious it is to have males other than our husbands look at us with an approving eye. For a few brief moments, we feel younger, prettier and desirable.
Most of us come out of that daydream to reality; a few take steps that eventually lead to separation or divorce. Why?
The Sad Conversations That Split Us Apart
“He never says he loves me anymore.” Do you tell him you love him? Do you tell him every moment with him is special?
Why Do I Do All the Work?
“He retired and still doesn’t help around the house.” Have you asked him to help? I used to fume when my husband could not read my mind. “Here I am cleaning the house, doing the wash, folding the clothes and what is he doing? Sitting in the living room like King Tut waiting for heaven knows what to make him get off his duff!” Eventually I exploded, blaming him for a host of things while he looked at me as though I had gone mad.
“Honey, all you had to do was ask. Sure, I’ll help. What do you want me to do?
After over forty years of marriage, it still did not occur to me that men do not see women working. They see us moving around the house. They see us not sitting down to rest. And, ladies, they think we want it that way! Think about it – are they wrong? How many of you, like me, find it difficult to sit still for longer than ten minutes before something grabs our attention, demanding we take care of it? I haven’t watched a complete television show in ages. Oh, gosh, I left dishes in the sink. Look over there at the dust bunny peeking out from under the sofa. Maybe I should hem those shorts. Sound familiar?
The Bored Syndrome
“We’ve been married so long, I know exactly what to expect from him. He’s boring.” So what is wrong with you upsetting that dull apple cart? Maybe he needs a little push. How long has it been since you surprised him? Make plans, whether for NASCAR or the opera, and don’t let him know until the absolute last moment. He just might be more exciting than you think when he knows you enjoy surprises, too.
The Grass is Greener Lie
“But the new guy is so thrilling!” Of course he is. You have not yet put the cap back on his toothpaste. Or picked up the clothes he throws from one end of the house to the other. Nor have you waited for him to get home as the roast and your temper slowly burn. You haven’t discovered all the annoying little things like his putting the toilet paper on the holder backwards. How about him coming in after cutting yards and digging in the garden to sit, while wearing his sweaty, dirty clothes, on the sofa you just had cleaned.
What he also has not done is help support your family for all those years. Where was he when the kids needed trumpet lessons, dental and doctor visits or another set of arms to hold them when they were sick at two in the morning. Did he take off work to be at every event in which the kids participated because he knew how important it was to them? He did not have the lump in his throat when your daughter had her first date or your son needed advice on dating girls. Neither did he did walk your daughter down the aisle on her wedding day or cry in the privacy of your bedroom when your son joined the army.
It is easy to be thrilling, new and stimulating when you have never had the responsibilities shouldered by a husband of many years. Smile when a handsome man smiles at you, as long as you remember how hard your heart beat for the man who stood behind you all those years. Remember who is willing to stay, even if your health fails. It never hurts to pull those memories out of mothballs, dust them off and renew the real love of your life. Remember the first time he brought you roses or the terror in his eyes when he held his baby for the first time. Most of all remember he loved you enough to keep the marriage going when you threatened to go home to mother. Don’t forget how he forgave you when you threw a fit over something completely stupid.
To me THAT man is the sexiest, wittiest, least dull person I ever knew.
If only people would treat their spouses like they did when dating. Both would stay happy. Hard to do ? Yes. But, it is worth the effort.
46 years…this year and I still thrill at seeing him enter a room. Did I have to work at that ? Yes. I have to remember him as he was when I met him. He walked in the room and I said. “He is mine.”
Three months later we were married. Now, although everything has changed, I still see him like he was and acknowledge him for who he is now. My “Hunky.” will always be mine.