“It will pay for itself.” Every salesperson will assure you his or his product has this ability. Don’t believe it! I have yet to see any item take out a checkbook or credit card and offer to pay for itself.
I remember one of the few times my father-in-law spoke. He seldom got the chance, with my mother-in-law being a chatty little creature. However, this time, he refused to contain himself. It seems a salesman assured his darling Helen a gorgeous doe-skinned suit would most certainly pay for itself.
“Yes, my dear,” swooned the dapper young fellow, “with fifty percent off, passing up this fabulous outfit is a sin. It will most certainly pay for itself in your friends’ envious glances alone. When will you get the chance for another?”
He hit the right note, for Helen believed with all her soul that the woman of those times proudly stood behind her man. She dressed her best, entertained in her home, and attended other events at every opportunity.
She bought the luxurious suit. The salesman failed to include one item in the beautifully wrapped box. Missing were the instructions for calming her husband when she explained that at fifty percent off, the doe-skin suit still ran a breath-taking four-hundred dollars – in 1957! Eventually my father-in-law’s rank reached that of lieutenant-commander in the Navy. At the time of this particular purchase, it fell considerably short.
Buying for Marriage Does Not Guarantee Marriage
Upon graduation from high school, the urge to move from our small Alabama town to the big city of Washington, D.C. proved too much. Along with dozens of other adventure-seeking teens, I joined the F.B.I. typing and filing forces. We young women, along with the joy of not having mom and dad looking over our every move, hoped to find a husband. Women’s lib had just begun to gleam in the eyes of some. That made us prey for every eager traveling housewares salesman in the tri-state area.
They repeated that financial phrase to avoid, “It will pay for itself,” as they pushed cookware, silverware, stemware, chinaware and anything else they could stick in front of the word ‘ware.’ That might well have been the case for one or two of us who bought an item or two. However, a few quickly learned how little they earned, as they attempted to pay three dollars per ware, out of every paycheck, for trunks full of items, they might not use for years.
I remember Brigita, one of the first to find a man and get engaged. She bought wares for her future kitchen, dining room, bedroom and lovely towel sets for that bath from each and every salesman who knocked at our door. Eventually, she purchased a hope chest, then two, in which to store them. After getting knee deep in debt with monthly payments on about twenty purchases, she and her fiancé broke up. She quit her job with the Bureau, went to work at one of the embassies down in D.C. and eventually moved overseas. As far as I know, she’s still paying three dollars a month per each of the twenty items, but I am betting they never paid for themselves.
How About Our Term Life Insurance Policies?
I could not believe I was hearing that one financial phrase to avoid from that guy.
“Dear, it will pay for itself.” the insurance fellow attempted to sooth me.
Pish Posh. First, a simple 10-year term policy loses value every year of the term until it is worthless if you live eleven years. Their only redeeming quality is they cost less and you hope to die before they do. Go for the whole life. It gives you hope for a longer life and the kids can party longer after you are gone.
“Thank goodness, because I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle it,” I told him.
“Huh?” The look on his face was priceless.
“Look, young man, the last time I heard someone say that, it was to a friend of mine. When the tow truck came for her car, she was still waiting for the durn thing to write out the payment and send it in to the bank!”
The Hard Cold Truth
Now, folks, for the hard cold truth. There is nothing out there that is going to pay for itself, for the average person. If you are certain you have a great find and you have the funds to pay for it, then and only then do you have an item that comes even close to paying for itself. For no matter the cost, pennies or dollars, the final payment comes from your pocket, your bank account. Granted you might buy a product that is worth, in your estimation, what you paid for it. That is a good thing, but I have seen only a few occasions where a purchase truly paid for itself.
Wait, You Said Nothing Pays For Itself – HUH?
There are exceptions to every rule and my sister is usually that exception. She is one person who shops frugally and comes out so far ahead, she leaves the salesperson shaking his head. For instance, she had a nice horse which she wanted to trade. She found a gentleman willing to trade. Sis talked him into putting a few dollars into the kitty, citing the age difference in the two horses. He agreed. She conveniently forgot to mention that his mare was pregnant. That was a fact he obviously did not realize at the time. Voila’ that little mare more than paid for herself.
And there was the time she hit a yard sale at the end of the day and spied a box of old purses sitting off to the side.
“How much?”
“Well, it’s the end of the day, so how about five dollars for the box?”
“Deal!”
Sis loves end of day bargains and she realizes that often people do not fully check every nook and cranny of purses in those boxes of purses. This was a good day. She spent five and found twenty. Once more, that purchase paid for itself. What you won’t find her doing is going to some high priced store and being talked into parting with her life savings. She saves that for the casino.