A Crumbling Foundation
The foundation of your life becomes unsteady when death or divorce removes your spouse. Your foundation shakes. No matter which happens in your life, you lose the partner, the dreams you made together over the years. You may lose the home the two of you built together. Circumstances, totally out of your control, things you never envisioned happening, slam into your life. The foundation crumbles. You feel out of your depth, floundering for a toe-hold onto something familiar. What do you do?
Like the Phoenix, you must rise from the ashes. It is essential that you force yourself back into living The looming question is HOW?
The First Step to Rebuilding
To begin the journey, step into your bathroom and really look at your image in that huge mirror. Will you be pleased or horrified at the dragged-out person returning your stare? A body check is in order – an honest one.
How long since you visited a beauty salon? While caring for my husband, caring for myself came last. I often cut my own hair and painted my nails, if they got painted. Usually both were too much trouble. A friend ordered a manicurist to come to my house once. What a delicious, guilty treat that brightened the whole day! If your last mani-pedi was for the funeral or to see the dreaded lawyer, it’s time for something special.
Go to the hairdresser and ask for a hair color you always wanted to try. Go for the glitter at the manicurist’s table. Stop thinking about what the kids, neighbors, relatives will say. This is the rebuild of your life, your foundation, not theirs. The first bricks are now laid.
Ironing Out the Wrinkles
While scanning that mirror image, check out the complexion, the newest wrinkles and the shadows under the eyes. Treatments do not have to cost a fortune. My personal favorite for moisturizing my face was used by my mother – Pond’s Cold Cream. Inexpensive, it feels wonderful and makes my face look considerably more alive. There are dozens of ways to bring beauty back into your face and neck, many of them are simply paying attention to a healthy diet. However, some of those fabulous fruits and veggies we eat, are also great for external use. For simple, common sense suggestions, check out https://www.boldsky.com/beauty/body-care/2017/simple-home-remedies-to-treat-neck-wrinkles-111673.html
Do not forget your hands. They work hard and they wrinkle, get dark spots and thin skin over time. A good moisturizing lotion for hands is essential to ease the wrinkles. Don’t sell our household regulars short either. This site gives several hints for removing brown spots on hands. https://www.top10homeremedies.com/how-to/how-to-get-rid-of-brown-spots-on-skin.html
Through healthy practices, the foundation for pushing back the clock is set.
Gym and Bear It
I gained weight when my husband was ill. That was on top of the weight gain after giving up cigarettes. That got pushed aside as we fought for Bru’s life. When we lost him after three years, the difficulty in doing simple tasks were no longer blamed on busy days, caring for him. I simply weighed more than my height, heart and lungs wanted to carry. When did your weight gain begin? For divorcees, did your husband come home to Hilda, the pitiful, or Heather, the lovely? Sounds like something out of the fifties, right? Ladies, it very much still applies today. Why come home to the pitiful when so much beauty is all around your husband?
Exercise and diet really are not that difficult and the cost can also be kept in line. Find a gym which allows pay as you use. They have no contracts, just the equipment you cannot afford at home. Walk, walk, walk. Running isn’t necessary. A friend lost 35 pounds by starting out easy walking and getting up to four miles a day. Today I am not slender, but have set the mortar in the foundation for a more enjoyable life by losing fifty-two overweight pounds. I like the me looking out of that bathroom mirror so much more.
From Bathroom to Closet
Time to visit your closet. Have you ever watched the show where two fashionistas take on some ill-dressed woman and restyle her wardrobe? Notice the chosen person always has 1) sweatshirts, 2)hoodies, 3)jogging pants, or 4) sexy clothes that make her look like the local prostitute. What is in your closet? I was shocked to discover all my lovely business suits and dresses were among the missing. In their place grew hole-infested jeans, baggy tees and sweatshirts and ragged tennis shoes. These things happen when we are invested in saving lives or marriages. Being so tied up with house and children’s activities that our lives are literally ready for the trash takes its toll, too. No solid foundation for loving yourself there.
Shopping Therapy to Rebuild
Go shopping, but do not spend a fortune. With the diet and exercise program, the new clothes will have other owners in the near future. Find a reasonably priced store and look for these items:
- Dress or Suit – if it’s a dress, buy one with a jacket that can be worn with other outfits.
- Three Blouses – one white, one pastel, and one wild, happy print.
- Slacks – one dress pair and two casual or jeans (no holes, please)
- Shoes – two pairs of high heels and one pair of comfortable jogging shoes. Hit a store such as DSW, a shoe warehouse, where high class merchandise meets low prices.
- Finally and most important – a pair of sexy slippers and a gorgeous negligee set.
Why the slippers and negligee set? Because nothing feels as sexy and beautiful as silk against the skin. Nothing looks as sexy as slippers with an inch high heel and soft fluff around the upper foot. And nothing makes a woman feel as good about herself.
A Solid Movement in the Foundation
Now that your inner glow has a candle lit and your outer body is ready to meet and accept people, it is time to go out. I will not try to fool you, it is not easy if you must go alone. Widows and Divorcees often find their ‘friends’ are no longer friendly, especially the married ones. That may well mean no one is available to join you. Do NOT wait until they are available. I spent the first three years waiting for something that did not happen. Now I quite happily move about the community doing pretty much whatever I want. That became the final brick, the final step in rebuilding a foundation that had crumbled without warning.
Suggestions for beginning the process: Art classes, join the local theater, join a crafting group, learn line dancing or formal dancing, start a blog, volunteer (but be careful as you can volunteer to the point of having no other life). Do something you always wanted to do but kept putting off.
Most important – wherever you go, no matter how your day has been, s-m-i-l-e. Nothing draws people to you like a smile and there is no better way to rebuild that crumbling foundation, than making new friends.