According to recent studies, more than 10 million Americans over 50 are caregivers to elderly family members. Of course, many seniors move to assisted living facilities or nursing homes and others may receive care in their own homes. When it comes to one’s parents, we Americans tend to take our responsibilities seriously and often that means bringing our parents into our homes. Before considering this alternative, consider the following tips to make the transition a smooth one.
• Talk to elderly family members before the need arises. Discuss concerns of all involved.
• Financial concerns must be discussed and agreed on ahead of time. Does the family member have money to contribute to household expenses? Talk about financial assets, if any, and life insurance policies. Who will handle finances? Will you be responsible or they?
• Medications. If medications include injections, is the family member capable of giving their own or will that fall to you? Understand what medications are being given and why. Know what side effects to look for, especially when the doctor makes changes.
• Is your home handicap accessible? Do ramps and handrails need to be installed? Safety bars in the bathroom could save a life. Are doorways wide enough to accommodate wheelchairs? Some electric wheelchairs are enormous. Are sidewalks wide enough to accommodate the width of the chair if navigated by the user or will assistance from a second party always be required? Is there room for special equipment such as walkers, wheelchairs or shower chairs?
• Research available help. From nannies for the elderly to medical alert necklaces to Social Services, help is out there. Are siblings and children willing to assist in the care? Know before you commit what aid is available.
• Establish mutual boundaries for both of you. Both parties must understand the need to respect privacy. Grandma must not walk into your bedroom interrupting a very private moment. Similarly, Grandma should not be treated like a wayward child. Closed doors are made for knocking.
• Consider existing relationships. Do you like each other? Does Grandma get along with your spouse? If not, animosity could be the recipe for every day.
• Can you each handle the foibles of the other? It is easy to enjoy grandparents who are healthy, spoiling the children and living in their own homes. However, we all incorporate special processes and routines into our lives that may not gel with the lives of others. Transferring to a new home with new heads of household is never problem-free. Realize that little things once considered eccentric or cute can quickly become major irritants when in constant attendance.
• Consider the mental state of the relative. If any daily conversation includes little more than four or five stories in constant repetition, can all family members listen without disgust or anger?
• Social butterfly or recluse? Will your relative enjoy visiting a community center some days or will she be content to remain home? On the other hand, if you and your spouse both work, who takes care of her or him while both of you are gone?
As long as your relative if capable of handling tasks, give them something to do that makes them an integral part of your home. This makes the transition easier as they will feel more welcomed and less of a burden.
Good intentions often result in a path of discontent. In other words, it simply is not enough to want to move a relative into your home. Careful thought and preparation are necessary. Patience is key.
Look at all the angles before making the commitment. Be certain all details have been considered and worked out before making this life-changing commitment.
