As I conducted research for an entirely different story, I ran across a subject that interested me. But as I read the various listings on the subject, it was obvious that my independent nature would never take any of them seriously. There were many articles about what “older” women” or “women over 50” or similar should never wear or never do. Most were related to fashion, makeup and hair. A few offered professional advice. One was quite humorous as the author made it clear that we girls of a certain age should do whatever we please. I rather enjoyed her attitude but not her language, so I moved on. On one particular website, there was a list of “important things mature women should never do.” I’m sorry I can’t cite the page now, but I’ve been unable to find it. Below are a few of them:
*Never lose your financial independence. This one struck a chord with me because my generation was raised to believe that the man is the head of the household and should control the purse strings. Interesting, since my own mother was the strong one in my childhood home. For many reasons, women should gain full knowledge of family finances and any important documents. In the event you should lose your mate, you don’t want to be left without a clue how to proceed in life. I’ve always kept a savings account of my own and though at times the balance was lower than I liked, it was important to me to have that bit of independence. Women who work and bring in their own income should always retain some control over how it is spent.
*Never let friendships lapse in favor of new relationships. I suspect we have all been through this in one way or another. Although we have each lived our own lives in different ways, my nucleus of high school friends remains the same. The long friendships shared with each of those ladies hold special places in my heart. New friends are wonderful and important in each of our lives but not if it means forgetting those who were there before. We aren’t in school anymore, and we are allowed more than one best friend.
*Never lose your self-respect. If you don’t love and respect yourself, no one else will. Fact!
*Never lose your right to make decisions. While others may disagree to me, this goes right along with self-respect. Always retain your right to exercise your own opinions. I know women who accept being told who to vote for in Elections, and we’ve probably all seen the commercial where a reporter asks a woman on the street her opinion about a political issue. She responds that she’d have to ask her husband how she feels about that. Whether it’s politics or personal situations, every woman should feel confident and free to make her own decisions.
*Never lose your identity. This goes for both legal identity and your feeling of self-worth. Never allow yourself to be intimidated or feel your opinion doesn’t matter. Decide for yourself who and what you want to be and be known for in this world and stake your claim.
*Never chase a man. Having been married forever, I’m not qualified to respond to this except to say that if you respect yourself, believe in yourself and who you are, you won’t allow yourself to chase a man who doesn’t appear to want you. A young realtor told me recently about the breakup with her long-time boyfriend. She said, “Men are like buses. Just wait. Another one will come along anytime.”
*Never lose yourself in a relationship. Doesn’t this go along with all of the above? Putting a partner’s needs ahead of your own is great, as long as it works both ways. Sometimes, one partner gives everything; and other times, it’s reversed. Mothers have a tendency to lose themselves in the needs of their entire families, and sometimes it seems necessary. But it’s equally important to retain your identity, your self-respect, your old friends, and your financial independence so that you don’t lose track of the woman you are.
In closing, here are a few more I either read or thought of:
*Don’t hold onto regrets! Life is short. Whatever you regret, you can’t change it now, so move on.
*Do lose the rose-colored glasses. You have lived long enough to see the world and its people as they really are. Accept reality and deal with it.
*Don’t envy younger women! They will one day grow older and have to deal with wrinkles and all the trappings we now endure. But until then, they don’t have the confidence that women of a certain age possess. You had your turn at being young. Now enjoy the age you are.
Enjoy your power! That’s right. Your kids are grown. You may have a career, or you may enjoy taking care of your home and involving yourself in community. At this stage of your life, you have earned the right to put yourself first. If you don’t have the life you want, then sit down and figure out how you can get it.
