Why Isn’t There a Book On Aging Gracefully?
The other day at the Senior Center where I work to deliver meals to shut-ins, we had a few minutes to just sit and chat. With a laugh, Ms. Martha, the Center Manager asked, “Why isn’t there a book on aging gracefully?”
“Because there is nothing graceful about it!” answered her assistant, Donna. She smiled to soften the answer. Yet the more we talked, the more we agreed, there is little graceful about aging.
“What would you include in such a book?” I asked all of them. The answers came fast and furious.
Grandma’s Memory
“Remember when Grandma called you every grandchild’s and half the pet’s names? Now we know why. She had trouble remembering to get up in the morning, much less keeping a list of a dozen grandchildren’s names! As our minds give up then so do we on aging gracefully.”
“Oh, my gosh, do any of you have the delightful experience of waking in the morning to find drool on your pillow? Yuck! Never expected that!”
Sitting and Struggling to Stand
“So much for aging gracefully when you are sitting down for a moment only to discover it takes several moments to stand and begin walking again. What happened to the days when we literally jumped out of our chairs to do this or that, whisked through the house cleaning, ironing, or whatever the day held? I used to think Granny just liked sitting. Never knew she hated trying to get out of that chair.” Shirley pushed her chair back, gave an exaggerated groan, and rose to refill coffee cups.
“You are so right. I used to fix everything around my house, no matter whether it was high up, low down, or eye level.” Gert looked at the others. “The other day, I made the mistake of thinking that was still a possibility. The television was unplugged by a repairman. When he left, I discovered he forgot to put all the thousand and one plugs back into the DVD player, cable, etc which were located in the cabinet under the television.
“Grabbing a sofa pillow, I sat down on the floor to do the job. It took about two seconds to realize my mistake. After returning all cables to their appropriate positions, I spent a good five minutes arriving at a plan for getting back on my feet. Friends, it was not a pretty sight, but eventually, my feet were planted firmly on the floor and the rest of my body followed to a standing position.
“Made a note to self that this is another bill to look forward to as now I must call the cable company to do something I once did in a heartbeat. Now I have to check to see if I have a heartbeat.”
When Time Catches Up and We Stop Aging Gracefully
“I know what you mean.” Looking back over the years, I remembered several cars hitting my car with me inside and a semi trying to finish me off. Giving them the history, I added, “I thought my recovery came remarkably fast from all of those accidents. No one told me time catches up and comes back to bite us as we age. I have pains in bones, muscles, and ligaments where I never knew there were parts!” I groaned, then grinned. Unfortunately, the groan was real and the grin forced.
The Cost of Getting Older
Ms. Martha broke in, “That’s another thing. Have you noticed as soon as your money stops rising, your bills do? I think seniors should get a ninety percent decrease in bills instead of a paltry 10%! It’s hard to age gracefully when you go grayer each day finding money to pay the bills.”
“Amen, Martha,” Donna agreed, all humor gone from her voice. “It seems we have to hire somebody to change a lightbulb these days. Those went up to a ridiculous price, but to hire someone to change it is $100 travel fee, $50 per hour for working, with a minimum of one hour. I got one of those poles sold at the hardware for changing bulbs. Worked great until I got vertigo. Now, I get dizzy looking up at the bulb.”
The New Men in a Senior Woman’s Life
“Who knew the new men in a senior’s life would be cardiologists, gastrologists, bone doctors, chiropractors, kidney doctors, and a host of others you never imagined visiting in your younger years?” We grinned realizing all too well, that doctors replaced romantic interests. “When my doctor told me to ‘Stop breathing’ meaning hold my breath while he checked my heart and lungs, I told him not to say that to people my age. We just might take him up on it permanently. He laughed, but never made that mistake with me again.”
“I know what you mean,” Alice chimed in. “Remember when it didn’t bother us to have a male doctor? Now, we all want women to tend us. Why? Because we know one day the poor dears will have bodies that look like these we carry around. It’s one thing to have perky breasts and backsides that stay firmly in place, but something else entirely when you check out the mirror as a senior woman and find a whole lot of shifting taking place.”
Aging Gracefully vs. Mother Nature
“Oh, my goodness, yes.” Martha took a sip of coffee before continuing. “How about the first time you noticed the top part of your body sagging over rolls of skin around and over your stomach? Awful, wasn’t it? Well, I knew my jeans still fit nice…until I turned around to check my backside’s reflection. I thought surely someone replaced my bathroom mirror with one from the funhouse at a fair! My jeans did still fit, but a bit differently. My once firm buns now sagged like deflated yeast rolls!”
“Does that make anyone wonder if Nature is really ‘Mother’ Nature instead of a jealous relative out to get even with us?
When the Kids Try to Help
“What aggravates me isn’t so much my looks as our kids who decided, once the wrinkles increased, that Bru and I became incapable of driving, living alone, and just generally taking care of ourselves. These are the same kids I gave so many years who now look at us like some decrepit old folks.
“Oh, yes, it does.” Ellen broke in. “My kids wanted us in a senior village after my husband had a stroke. We were both 64 and told them absolutely not. I think the kids’ intentions were to help us, but, we were not ready for that.”
Today’s Modern Senior Woman
Anne’s chain of thought moved to how we see ourselves today.
“Something that bothers me is that although today’s modern senior woman is not the same as our grandmothers, we are seen the same way. At least I don’t see us dressing the same.” My mind moved through the past few years and the senior ladies met over that time. “It’s not just dressing differently, although we most certainly do. Can you imagine our grandmothers in jeans and sweatshirts or dressing to the nines for a fancy dinner? It’s also the way we look at the world around us.
“To my knowledge, neither of my grandmothers cared one whit about politics. Yet, today, I am hard put to find those who are not discussing that subject, no matter what side they prefer. And we are no longer the quilting clubs, sewing circle ladies. We throw parties of all kinds, enjoy getting out whether to dinner or a night out with other seniors. We might go to the casinos or have a drink now and then. I remember when growing up how my own mother tried to hide her enjoyment of such things.”
“How about hairstyles?” chimed in Donna, who sported a new one of her own. “We seldom see the buns tightly wound and resting on the nape of the neck, unless it is the style that year. Although most of us here do not use a lot of makeup, many senior women refuse to be seen without it.”
“You’ve seen my sister,” I chuckled. “Love her dearly, but in the makeup department, we could not be more different. She rises from bed to put on full makeup, including false eyelashes, puts her hair up in a lovely mass of golden curls, and looks like a million bucks. I, on the other hand, use lipstick, eye shadow, and eyeliner about once every six months if there is a special occasion. Since I am now a widow, I figure if some fellow is interested, he’s seeing exactly what he’s getting sans makeup.”
“True. Can you imagine dating a woman for months and when you marry, you wake up the next morning to totally different person! That could be depressing, don’t you think? Let’s face it, he would not see a dewy-faced bride.” We all laughed at some poor fellow going to bed with a glamour queen and waking to Frankenstein’s bride.
“When you think of it though,” I added, “our mothers, grandmothers, and great grand probably all thought their senior citizens to be hopelessly behind the times.”
The Good Side Of Aging
“Okay, that’s enough about the not-so-nice side of aging. What about the good side?” Ms. Martha is always one who sees the best in things. That makes her a great manager for her sometimes grumpy charges.
“The absolute best thing in aging is not being so hesitant to express my opinions. Don’t get me wrong, I love people and want days to run as smoothly as possible. However, when we are younger it seems we spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about what everyone else thinks. Whether it’s relatives, friends, bosses, or some stranger we run into at the store, we too often accept snide, cruel, rude remarks just to keep the peace. Now I find speaking up is easier and that people seem to respect me for it.” I crossed my arms, satisfied to have made a point.
Alice chuckled, “Or they think you are some goofy eccentric!”
Donna spoke, “Although we grumble about bills, it is nice to have discounts as a perk. When the kids and I went on vacation, I got fifteen percent off my hotel bill. Since I insisted on paying my own way, that discount was much appreciated.”
Ms. Martha grinned, “And we all love to eat, right? The discounts at restaurants, whether fast food or a nice sit-down meal, always come in handy. It especially helps when I want to take the grandkids out.”
Alice, who had been listening with a thoughtful expression on her face, spoke up. “With the passing of my husband, I discovered younger neighbors are so willing to help out with things he once handled, like cutting up limbs that fall from storm winds.”
“I know what you mean,” I added. “When Bru was ill, our neighbors could not do enough to help us. They came over when snow fell and cleared the cars, the sidewalk, driveway, and even the short road leading out to the main road. I don’t know what we would have done without them.”
Finding the good side of aging brought our discussion to a comfortable and happy ending.
Time to Relax
On that note, we broke up the chat session and cleared everything from the tables. Our own homes required some attention. We meet every day of the week, being off on weekends, to prepare and deliver meals. However, we take time to relax after work to talk, maybe play a board game or cards. For those of us who live alone, it provides friendship, fun, and a few short hours out of what could be the loneliness of being senior citizens.
When I returned home, I checked online for books on aging. There are several in print, whether regarding finances, health, or living for today. Just check your local bookstore.
There is also a site I thoroughly enjoy online, here is the link. It is all seniors talking, supporting each other, sending good thoughts, and comforting in rough times.