Today, my dears, we have a lesson on How to Take Happiness Into Your Own Hands. Over the past several days, I have witnessed a large number of Facebook posts talking about how horrible men are. There are posts about how they abuse women. Another post talks about their bad manners around women. Others still, talk about how useless they are.
Enough already! Happiness does not ride in on a white stallion. Sometimes it saunters in on a complete ass that must be helped to be your hero.
Recognizing Abuse
Let’s take the abuse posts first. Over my lifetime, I have had at least three friends who were physically, mentally or verbally abused. I even went to a sort of Abused Anonymous meeting with one of them, to give her courage. The one thing that rang the same through each relationship was that before they married, while still in the dating stages, each was abused by their future spouse. That is a huge sign that any woman or man who is abused prior to marriage, should change courses immediately. If your sweetheart decides who you can and cannot have for friends, that is wrong. If someone you are dating abuses you, count on it getting much, much worse after marriage. Why? Because once you are married, they feel you are trapped and totally in their power. That becomes all too true. Human beings were born with brains. Those brains are supposed to supercede dumb decisions made with the heart.
Manners – Who Teaches Them?
On to manners. Mothers are usually the reason a child grows up with or without manners. Fathers tend to have a bigger part than many years ago but primarily, it is the mothers who run that camp. More and more, both parents seem to have smaller parts to play in their children’s lives. When they have not been taught the manners, then ladies, it is up to you and me to help our darlings. However, also understand that men have gotten totally confused as to what they should do and a lot of that is on us.
With the advent of the Women’s Movement and the Feminists Movement suddenly, if a man opened a door for a woman, she stopped saying ‘thank you’. Instead, he could get the cold shoulder or a verbal roundhouse, for not treating her as an equal. Yes, decent manners became a victim in the fight for freedom of women. Men were no longer certain whether to open doors, walk on the outside on the sidewalk, say please or thank you, or help a lady on with her coat. In a past era, the lovely gentleman who once placed his coat over a puddle to protect the delicate feet of a woman, probably would have been cursed for his trouble today. And, the woman probably would have walked around the coat and through the puddle to prove her ridiculous point.
To get good manners, how about using our own to obtain them. If someone opens the door for me, I turn, look him or her in the eye, smile and say ‘thank you’. I get a smile in return and a most hearty ‘you’re welcome’ in return. Never would I bellow like a fishwife and make the person feel small and embarrassed.
Helping Your Spouse Be His Best
About that tendency these days to declare our other half of the relationship useless. Granted, some are and will always be. However, I discovered a long time ago that should I compliment the smallest thing my spouse did, better things followed. And taking our dirty laundry out to the public? Nope, it was to stay at home. If I went out, I acted as though my husband was beside me the whole time. I raved about my smart, sexy, handsome, and what a great conversationalist sweetheart to friends. When others slammed their other halves, I complimented mine. You would be surprised to discover that:
- Other women, who had looked at my darling only from a physical stance, now wanted a husband just like mine.
- My husband found out from my friends how I talked about him. I discovered he was just as complimentary about me to them and his friends. What a lovely feeling to know your husband says nothing but good things about you. Nothing beats it.
- Because we kept our arguments within the bounds of our home, people thought we never had arguments. Who was I to say differently? It was none of their business.
You Decide How You Will Be Treated
Overall, how you are treated depends a lot on what you ALLOW to happen. And when you have children, a lot of what they pass on to their spouses depends on the homes they had as children. That is not always the case. Heaven knows, children do not come with operating manuals and most of us wish they did. For the most part though, much of what they learn, they learn from us. What they carry into their own families, is often what they leave behind.
As for finding a man of your own, if in the dating stage, they verbally, mentally or physically abuse you, it is not okay. Even if he apologizes, it is not okay. Run as far from that person as you possibly can. That person is not seeking to be your soulmate. He is seeking to be your jailer and, should you marry that person, his dream will come true as he creates your worst nightmare. Men, this goes for your lady, too. If she mistreats you before marriage; she will destroy you afterward.
To everyone, if you want someone to treat you well, you may have to start first, when it comes to good manners, but if there are no changes within a reasonable time, move on.
Let your mate know what you expect and stick by it.
Well spoken girlfriend. You get my amen. This is pretty straight forward however, sometimes the obvious isn’t so obvious. Sometimes you don’t find that grain of sand till after the fact and you’re pretty much stuck. Sometimes men pretty much can hold on and hold in for a season; they know what they want too.
I’ve seen that happen, too, Suzanne. Everyone has to be extra vigilant, especially when looking at a partner for life. Too often we get tied up in the ‘love and lust’ and forget to look for the little signs that might save us pain afterward.
amen and amen!!!